Melancholy

It's Friday! But, I don't feel so good. It's the last day of our two Korean managers in the office. Next week will be mine. Almost every one's leaving.

In my part, I'm sort of wanting to savor every moment left of my stay here. I will certainly miss everyone and every thing about this company. I'm gonna miss riding a bus to Ortigas, going up the overpass bridge, passing by Megamall and window shopping sometimes, getting an FX, walking to Tektite, running to the elevator to catch up with the time they give for the incentive bonus, saying hello to my friends, talking to my closest friends on PC080, forwarding funny or inspiring quotes and stories, checking out the news on Yahoo or Philippine Star, blogging, logging in the 4nb, recording our class, having a good time with my students, thinking what to write in the daily and monthly reports, goofing around while in the elevator, saying goodbye to them, saying "see you tomorrow" to my friends. I hope I could still say that on Friday. Well, I'll never learn how to be casual leaving a place and the people I love. I wish I could still see my friends here even after E-lamp. I have a wonderful life here; but, I need to find out what I really want and grow.

Anyway, while doing this blog, the electricity suddenly fluctuated and I had to stand up to see what's going on. All of us did. I looked out the window, it's raining cats and dogs. The weather is joining me in this melancholic Friday.

Today, I learned that...

"People just come and go...

We should treasure every moment we have with them."

People just come and go... :(

I feel like crying. I just received a text message from Mommy. My brother's real mother has already decided to get him from us. It hurts so much. What's wrong with my summer? I was looking forward to it. I WAS. I was expecting that something really good would happen. But why are things like this suddenly happening?

Last month, we were all happy. We, my dad, my mom, my two brothers, and I, went to Singapore to visit my sister. We stayed there for a week and really had fun! Singapore's a wonderful place. We also dropped by Malaysia to see the Petronas Towers. It was our first time to all go out of the country and I'll forever treasure that experience. During the tour, in a jest, my dad would sometimes say that it would not happen again. I didn't mind him. My sister and I are even planning to treat them to Hongkong and China next year. Now, it dawned on me that this is what he was talking about. I'm thinking if it was like a premonition. Though, there's something in me that's still hopeful that the plan is still going to come true. We could still travel with my brother every year, right? We could still go out as if nothing happened, couldn't we?

My brother... He's been with us since he was four. Now, he's already 19. It was fifteen years! I've no idea how to pull through this kind of situation. I'm used to having him by our side. Now, what? I believe in the saying that every thing happens for a reason. But you know... It's a totally different thing when you're in this picture. It's really easier said than done. Now I'm asking myself why it's coming about. I'm thinking what went wrong.

My two brothers and I literally grew up together. We always did things together - going to school, doing our homework, eating, every thing... I would like to think that I treated them like my real brothers. There might be times when I hurt their feelings; but, honestly, it was just part of being a child. I really didn't mean to do so. I love them so dearly. They're my babies. What's happening?

It all started when my brother moved with us (me and my sister) here in Manila for college. He was an ordinary teenager. He enjoyed watching movies, TV, playing games, and sleeping. He was a growing-up kid maybe that's why he slept a lot. Like me, he also didn't enjoy doing house chores. Those were the usual reasons why my sister would always get mad at him. There were times when he would nag at him every day. I didn't mind it because my mom was also like that. Then, it came to a point when my sister discovered some not good things about him like going to different places with friends, playing an addicting computer game, and having a condom in his wallet. He would not admit these. When my sister left for Singapore, I guess both of their lives became more peaceful. Until that Saturday night, 10th of April 2010. My sister texted that he found out that the facebook account under a different name was really my brother's. Before that, we've already been asking him if that was his but he vehemently denied it. We also asked him before if he had a girlfriend. He did the same thing. So, we didn't bother him anymore. Going back to that Saturday, my sister was so angry seeing his profile picture kissing a girl. He lied again and that made me feel bad. I, however, wonder why it's a big deal for us to think that other families would not see it as such.

Oh my! I think my tears have ran out already. It's really really very difficult. I'm just praying that it's for every one's sake.

I DO need ♥

Guess what, I just opened the Mellow Touch's site and they're playing the song "Way Back into Love." Earlier, I visited Oprah's site and saw an article on how to attract love. Then last Friday, I went to a school for my job interview and the HR manager asked why I have no boyfriend yet. Waaah! I know, I do need love!

New Beginning

I'm about to start a new chapter in my life. As I said, I'm not so confident with my decision because there's no assurance that every thing's going to be fine. Luckily, aside from God, I have family and friends who give me strength. While talking to them today, I felt so much better because they're all very positive about this change. They made me strong. These are some of the things that they told me. I want to remember them when I feel like giving up.

"Jesus Christ is always there with you."

"God will guide you; you will find a new job."

"Any change means you'll have a better and more meaningful experience - whatever it'll be."

"If you can't see yourself in a company longer, get out now."

"Comfort zone is sometimes a trap."

"Just pray hard."

"When a door closes, another opens."

"Don't worry, it's going to be alright. Believe me, I've been there."

A Request

Dear God,

Here I am again. Scared. Confused.

I've made a number of decisions lately which resulted to some not so good things. Though, I'm not sure yet if I really did make the wrong move; one thing's for sure - I was happy with it.

Almost two years ago, I promised myself and my family that I would look for a lifetime career. I told my dad that it would take some time. I also said that I would try and try to get the perfect job for me. But God, I also felt scared that time. You know that life's getting tougher these days; I was so afraid not to have a job. I also enjoyed my job because of my friends, some students, and the time it gave me to do all my homework in the graduate school. Thank you, Lord.

Now God, I'm ready to start something new again. But I'm still apprehensive because of the stories of my friend who's looking for a job now. She's having a hard time finding one. Please help me, God. But looking at it now, I know You have a plan for me. I TRUST YOU.

I'm going to apply for a job tomorrow. Please guide, bless, and guard me. I hope I'll be able to do my best and be true to myself. So, help me God. ☺


P.S.
Lord, we're having a small family problem again. Please help everyone forgive and most especially, the person who committed a mistake. I hope in Your guidance, he could change for the better. I'm begging You, Lord. Please.