Friday, December 31, 2010

Hooray! It's 2011!

I can't believe it! Today's already the last day of 2010. Again, time does fly! It's as if New Year 2010 was just yesterday. I still remember getting excited and receiving wishes from friends and relatives the same day last year. We all hoped that the year would bring us nothing but the best. Looking back on the things that happened, I can say that it wasn't easy. My family had lots of struggles and trials. In fact, before it would end, another dilemma came. We found it out just a few days ago. Until now, we still don't know how it will turn out. We're just holding on to this one: with God, we'll certainly get by. On the lighter note, there's one thing that I can't deny. The best thing that happened this year was when I got a new job which paved the way for me to meet my new friends and my Peter Pan. And I can't thank God enough for that. That's the reason why I can tell the world that 2010 is not bad at all. Now, it's time for me, for us, to welcome the new year!

2011. I'm not sure what the new year has in store for me. But I will never get tired to hope for the best. I will never stop praying and wishing for good things. I hope that this year will be better, that we'll solve the problems we had in 2010. Anyway, I just came from a get-together with my college friends and one of them advised us to list down all the things that we desire and pray for them. She said, God will give them. "Ask and you will receive." What do I want to do? What do I want to happen with my life in 2011? A friend also reminded us that 50% is destiny but, we still have to work for the other half. So, here are the things that I would like to work on:

1. I would like to have a healthy lifestyle. This means eating right and having a regular work-out. It's the only way for me to finally have the body I want.
2. I would like to catch up on my readings. I've been very busy last year that I missed doing one of my favorite hobbies. Reading.
3. I would renew my passport.
4. I would really try hard to be a good daughter, sister, cousin, etc. I'll be more respectful and understanding.
5. I would like to go to Hongkong and China with my family this summer. I would like to spend more time with them.
6. I would like to go to Sagada with my friends.
7. I would like to have another adventure with my other set of friends. In short, I would like to visit a lot of new places.
8. I would like to learn how to drive a car and to play the piano.
9. I would like to continue doing yoga.
10. I would like to run at least once a week.
11. I would like to do boxing every week.
12. I would like to finish all the courses I took last semester and am taking now with good grades.
13. I would like to do better with my job.
14. I would like to be a better teacher with my students by understanding them and preparing for our lessons.
15. I would like to do at least one house chore every day.
16. I would like to learn how to meditate.
17. I would like to be more disciplined - waking up early, being at work at least an hour before it starts, finishing things even before the deadline, balancing and managing my time.
18. I pray that our family will finally own a house and a car here in Cubao. We're aiming for the one near my sister's friend's town house.
19. I would like to take and pass the LET.
20. I would like to continue my Spanish lessons.
21. I would like to finish my master's.
22. I would like to continue my charity work.
23. I would like to know Jesus more. Through that, I'm hoping that I'll be able to know Peter Pan better. I leave every thing to God if he's already the one. Then again, I pray that he is. If it will happen this year, only God knows.
24. I would like to continue taking care of myself, my family, and my friends.
25. I would like to be a better daughter of God and of my motherland.
26. I would like to give all my best in every thing that I'll do.

Wow! 26 things. I just typed every thing randomly. Is it coincidence that I'll also be turning 26 in 2011? Anyway, I'm really really keeping my fingers crossed that I'll be able to do them. May I have to courage to hold on to the promise to accomplish them. Most importantly, may I live my life fully everyday by being happy and grateful because of things that I have.
Thy Will Be Done. God bless us. I wish and pray that every one of us will have a meaningful, blessed, fruitful, peaceful, happy, and love-filled 2011!♥♥♥

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

My Peter Pan



(written before Christmas)
It's almost Christmas again! I've been spending the break checking essays of my students. The topic is to describe the person whom they would like to spend the holidays with. Most of them have the same style. I keep on getting the same question either in the introduction or in the body. How about you? How about me? Who would I like to spend it with?

I usually spend the holidays with my family. We stay at home, give gifts, visit our relatives, and attend the never-ending parties and reunions. That sounds fun, right? However, if there would be one person whom I would really really want to be with, it would definitely be my Peter Pan.

How would I describe my Peter Pan? As the name suggests, he's childlike in a way that I know him. He's such a happy person who always wears a smile. People often ask if he gets mad. He's so positive about life. There was one time when I really felt down and stressed and he was able to uplift my spirit just by reminding me of something. Also, I can be myself whenever I'm with him. I can show him the carefree me. Honestly, I've never felt that with other people before. When we're together, it's as if we're the only ones living in the world. Hours pass swiftly when we talk. I love looking at his innocent eyes. I'm sure he likes me. Though I'm still figuring out if he likes me the way I do.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Wake up!

When you understand why something hurts, it stops hurting.

When you understand you have options, you take action.

And when you understand you have wings, you can soar again.

Capisce?
The Universe

If it's still hurting, fly anyway.

:(

Friday, November 26, 2010

I'll get there...

I would just like to share that I had a pretty good week. Though I still don't know the results of some things, I want to be positive. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! This also helps me get by (shared by a friend)...
"Like birds, we also have our season. All we have to do is wait."

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Another Prayer

Dear God,
You are truly amazing! I don't know how you do it but, you really have a way to make me feel better. I was so down last time; then, some things go back to how they were used to be that made me happy. Thank you!
I was texting with a guy friend last night. I asked him questions. Our conversation was like riding a roller coaster. I had some realizations; the most important among them is his advice for me not to assume too much. He said doing so will just hurt me in the end. Lord, I can't help it sometimes. Yet with your help, I'm sure I can do it. Please Lord... They say that love takes risks. If you're ready to fall in love, you also have to prepare yourself to get hurt. But God, I always get hurt in that aspect. :( They can't blame me if I already want this one for real. Then again, my friend said that You'll direct me to the right person. It's confusing, right? Like how I end my prayer, no matter what happens, I still leave everything to You. I love You, God!
Please make my eyes open, open to what is true and what is bogus. Kindly help my heart understand what is genuine and what's not. Please make me smart enough to know Your sign, to know what You want me to do. Amen.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I'll be happy...

I know that I have so many blessings to be thankful for. Yet, some things and situations still make me sad.
I miss talking to him. I miss seeing his smiles. I miss listening to his stories. I miss hearing his laughter. I miss him. I so miss him. I miss us.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

You are so weird!

"There's no accident. Everything happens for a reason." That's what they always say. If that's the case, I just have a question. Why is it that whenever I try to forget this person, that's also the time when he reaches out. Whenever I want to move on already, that's the time when he contacts me. Is the universe playing with my emotion? What is it trying to say? Or do I just give meaning to everything? That's another question. Whatever it is, I'll just see that in the coming days. I'll try not to think about it for the mean time. At the right time, I'll surely find out why.

It does hurt.

They say that there's always a first time. Yeah, right! And it hurts most of the time. I never imagined that I would get an incomplete grade in my life. I never thought that I would fail to submit a requirement on time. Didn't I give my best? I did not. Maybe, I should have pushed myself some more. But at the back of my mind now, I'm thinking that I just wanted to enjoy life, go out with my friends while working and studying. Can't I do them at the same time? :( Not yet, maybe. I became complacent, maybe. I procrastinated again. I remember I had time a lot of free time last semester but, I spent them browsing facebook and twitter. When will I ever learn my lesson? That's the question only I can answer. I want to change. I want to learn how to prioritize things. I would like be a better person because of this experience. So help me God.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

At Sea

Do I think about things too much? Oh God! What did I get into? It's really no easy! Loads of work keep coming! They don't stop! Sometimes I wish I could forever be a kid so I won't have to face all these... I've never cried because of work... Just now... But then, I know that I'll be a better person after this. The process just hurts. Please make me a little stronger, God... Please...

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Missing Someone

I guess not all days are really meant to be perfect. Not all of them will be happy, lovely, nor complete. It won't always be that way. That makes me feel a little sad but, I just have to remember that everything happens for a reason. I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a better day. Thank you, God!✩ Thank you for this gift of life! I love you!

Friday, September 10, 2010

♡♥♡Loving it!♡♥♡

I always look forward to this special moment (I can't say which day!) of the week when I can be with you... The saying is indeed true... "A non-sense conversation makes sense when you're talking with someone special..." I can't explain the feeling but, it's like heaven! Thank you, Jesus!♥ I love you!

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Words of Wisdom from a Dear Friend

"Just enjoy the moment and let time signal you what to do...
Should time confirm your suspicion against him, you decide...
Are you going to follow other people or your happiness?"

Hmmmm... It does make sense, right? Thanks to you, my friend! I love you!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

♥♡♥


I love you, Jesus! Thank you for this awesomely wonderful day!
For the mean time, may I just enjoy every moment of it.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Friday, August 20, 2010

☀Signs☀

Are signs for real? I don't know. The only thing I'm sure of is I've asked You to give me one if he's really not meant for me. This week, we didn't have the chance to talk. I miss him terribly. Is that Your sign? :( Please help me, God...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

SOS

Help! I don't know what to do! This feeling's not helping me at all. I easily get lost. I easily lose focus. I can't concentrate. He's always on my mind. I get conscious when he's around. I can't be myself anymore. I wanna tell him a lot of things. I wanna share what happened to me. I wanna ask how he's been. But for some reason, I can't. Oh God, what should I do? Who should I ask for help? I have no one to ask. They might not understand. I want us to remain friends. But, how? I guess I'm too old for this. How come I'm still a naive when it comes to this? Please help me, God. I really don't know what to do. I'm so lost right now. I can't get him off my mind. Really! Oh Good Lord, You're my only hope. Please do help me. Please. You have plans for us, right? I TRUST YOU. May I be able to understand why I have to go through this right now. I have a lot of things to do. I really don't get it.
Again, You're the only one I trust. Than You, Lord!

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Love Song

I didn't find you attractive at first.
I thought you were gay; I hope you're really not.
I'm not sure when it started;
I just woke up one morning realizing how happy I am when I'm with you.
I suddenly find myself smiling.
Out of the blue, I catch myself thinking of you;
I feel my face blushing when your name is mentioned.
I don't understand where the pain comes from when they match you with another woman.
I don't know why it hurts.
After quite some time, I again start listening to love songs.
Again, I hear myself singing those songs.
How many times do I have to feel this?
How many times should I need to be hurt to finally find the one?
At the back of my mind, I'm hoping that it's you already.
I'm praying.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Dear God,

You know me. I always have a lot of things in mind.
God, I made my mom cry again. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to. I still can't get over that attitude - hurting the people, especially my parents, I love. This time, I promise to really try my best. Please give me chance. Please.
Another thing that's bothering me now is that thing. I don't need to mention it. But God, can you also help me not to expect? Not to assume? Please? I don't know how. Because I always do expect and assume that it goes somewhere.
Thank you, Lord! I still have to do a chore. I'll just hope for the best again. I love You!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Broken Hearted Already? :(

Oh no! Why am I feeling so hurt?! You're so weird! Or is it just me? You were so sweet; then, you seemed so cold all of a sudden! :( Lord, please help me overcome it. I know I can. I just hope that, if nothing would really happen, I should be able to stop this now. I'm sorry but, it's tiring to feel something for a person who doesn't feel the same way. Thank You, Lord!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Distraction

This is not good when I like someone. I can't focus. Oh God! I'm supposed to check my students' essays that need to be returned tomorrow; but, my brain keeps on wandering. I can't help but think of him.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

♬Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore...♬


I can’t fight this feeling any longer
And yet I’m still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself, that I can’t hold out forever
I say there is no reason for my fear
Cause I feel so secure when we’re together
You give my life direction, you make everything so clear

And even as I wonder I’m keeping you in sight
You’re a candle in the window on a cold dark winter’s night
And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can’t fight this feeling anymore
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
It’s time to bring this ship into the shore
and throw away the oars forever
Cause I can’t fight this feeling anymore
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby I can’t fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I’ve been running around in circles in my mind
Baby it always seems that I’m following you
Cause you take me to the places that alone I’d never find
And even as I wonder I’m keeping you sight
You’re a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter’s night
And I’m getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I can’t fight this feeling anymore
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
It’s time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars forever
Cause I can’t fight this feeling anymore
I’ve forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby I can’t fight this feeling anymore

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Basking in the Moment


It feels wonderful to go to work looking forward to see someone.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

All Over Again


Fresh start. New beginning. Taking the first step. Taking the plunge. How do you feel when you experience these? All that you're thinking, roll them into one, that was/is what I did/do feel this morning and I guess until now. It's not so easy as I anticipated to think that I haven't even started teaching yet. For your information, it was officially my first day as a school teacher. Well, we just had some orientation and class scheduling. The faculty of teachers seemed very warm and fun to be with. I just felt panicky to find out that my partner in my subject area is already an expert in it. Imagine, she was my friend's teacher under the same subject in 6th grade. But what I'm feeling is just normal, right? I've felt this for so many times during my first job and I know, in God/Goddess' help, I can do it. I just pray so hard that I can do it very well. I have this urge to do it with excellence. I hope that I'll always have this attitude. As my mom says, it should last. My friend just reminded me of this and hopefully, it would help me as a teacher.

"Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your work with excellence. "

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

25♥

Oh my! I'm already turning 25 tomorrow. Yes, 25 and I can't do anything to stop it. It feels weird that in my new job, I'm no longer the youngest. How time flies! Twenty five years of happiness, sadness, laughter, tears, achievements, failures, sunshine, rain, and friendship have passed.
I continue to pray for real happiness, peace of mind, good health, long life, and pouring blessings not just for me but also among my family, my relatives, my friends, my country, and the world. Love love love... Peace peace peace... Thank You, Bro! May all our dreams do come true... Of course You know what's best for all of us.
Please keep on giving me the courage to strive to be a better person.
In my heart, I know that the future looks bright.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Question

Why is it that when things already seem to be falling into places, something that would baffle you suddenly comes in the picture?

I'll be starting in June as a teacher at Miriam. Then, out of the blue, Poveda called for another step in my application with them! Now, they're offering me the Spanish Preschool Teacher position. Oh God! Please help me.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

So Many Blessings To Be Thankful For

Dear God,
Wow! You are really working in mysterious ways. For so many times, I've proven that You have a perfect plan for each one of us. Thank You so much! There will definitely be doubts along the way; but, I'll do my best to be conscious of those. From now on, I'll really try to count all the good things in my life instead of the not so good.
First, I would like to thank You for my life. I'm turning 25 next week. Weee! I have mixed emotions, actually. Though, I don't want to entertain some of those. I'll focus on the positive side and for sure, I'm excited because I know that You have stored some wonderful things for me for the coming year.
Second, I can't thank You enough for the family I have. They are fantastic! Their mere text messages encouraged me to do my best when I was applying for a job.
Next are my friends! Wow, they keep me sane! I'm so favoured to have childhood friends who make me laugh like there's no tomorrow, college friends who keep me posted all the time, UBEC friends who are always there for me, and graduate school friends who never get tired of giving me pieces of advice and for making me realize that age is just a figure.
Last, for now, I really appreciate my new job. It's too early because I haven't even started yet; but, there's a reason why You allowed me to get into it. It's the start of my dream. The road will not be always smooth; but with Your help, I know I can make it. I'll give my best and my 100%. So, help me, God.
Amen.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Melancholy


It's Friday! But, I don't feel so good. It's the last day of our two Korean managers in the office. Next week will be mine. Almost every one's leaving.

In my part, I'm sort of wanting to savor every moment left of my stay here. I will certainly miss everyone and every thing about this company. I'm gonna miss riding a bus to Ortigas, going up the overpass bridge, passing by Megamall and window shopping sometimes, getting an FX, walking to Tektite, running to the elevator to catch up with the time they give for the incentive bonus, saying hello to my friends, talking to my closest friends on PC080, forwarding funny or inspiring quotes and stories, checking out the news on Yahoo or Philippine Star, blogging, logging in the 4nb, recording our class, having a good time with my students, thinking what to write in the daily and monthly reports, goofing around while in the elevator, saying goodbye to them, saying "see you tomorrow" to my friends. I hope I could still say that on Friday. Well, I'll never learn how to be casual leaving a place and the people I love. I wish I could still see my friends here even after E-lamp. I have a wonderful life here; but, I need to find out what I really want and grow.

Anyway, while doing this blog, the electricity suddenly fluctuated and I had to stand up to see what's going on. All of us did. I looked out the window, it's raining cats and dogs. The weather is joining me in this melancholic Friday.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Today, I learned that...

"People just come and go...
We should treasure every moment we have with them."

People just come and go... :(

I feel like crying. I just received a text message from Mommy. My brother's real mother has already decided to get him from us. It hurts so much. What's wrong with my summer? I was looking forward to it. I WAS. I was expecting that something really good would happen. But why are things like this suddenly happening?

Last month, we were all happy. We, my dad, my mom, my two brothers, and I, went to Singapore to visit my sister. We stayed there for a week and really had fun! Singapore's a wonderful place. We also dropped by Malaysia to see the Petronas Towers. It was our first time to all go out of the country and I'll forever treasure that experience. During the tour, in a jest, my dad would sometimes say that it would not happen again. I didn't mind him. My sister and I are even planning to treat them to Hongkong and China next year. Now, it dawned on me that this is what he was talking about. I'm thinking if it was like a premonition. Though, there's something in me that's still hopeful that the plan is still going to come true. We could still travel with my brother every year, right? We could still go out as if nothing happened, couldn't we?

My brother... He's been with us since he was four. Now, he's already 19. It was fifteen years! I've no idea how to pull through this kind of situation. I'm used to having him by our side. Now, what? I believe in the saying that every thing happens for a reason. But you know... It's a totally different thing when you're in this picture. It's really easier said than done. Now I'm asking myself why it's coming about. I'm thinking what went wrong.

My two brothers and I literally grew up together. We always did things together - going to school, doing our homework, eating, every thing... I would like to think that I treated them like my real brothers. There might be times when I hurt their feelings; but, honestly, it was just part of being a child. I really didn't mean to do so. I love them so dearly. They're my babies. What's happening?

It all started when my brother moved with us (me and my sister) here in Manila for college. He was an ordinary teenager. He enjoyed watching movies, TV, playing games, and sleeping. He was a growing-up kid maybe that's why he slept a lot. Like me, he also didn't enjoy doing house chores. Those were the usual reasons why my sister would always get mad at him. There were times when he would nag at him every day. I didn't mind it because my mom was also like that. Then, it came to a point when my sister discovered some not good things about him like going to different places with friends, playing an addicting computer game, and having a condom in his wallet. He would not admit these. When my sister left for Singapore, I guess both of their lives became more peaceful. Until that Saturday night, 10th of April 2010. My sister texted that he found out that the facebook account under a different name was really my brother's. Before that, we've already been asking him if that was his but he vehemently denied it. We also asked him before if he had a girlfriend. He did the same thing. So, we didn't bother him anymore. Going back to that Saturday, my sister was so angry seeing his profile picture kissing a girl. He lied again and that made me feel bad. I, however, wonder why it's a big deal for us to think that other families would not see it as such.

Oh my! I think my tears have ran out already. It's really really very difficult. I'm just praying that it's for every one's sake.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I DO need ♥

Guess what, I just opened the Mellow Touch's site and they're playing the song "Way Back into Love." Earlier, I visited Oprah's site and saw an article on how to attract love. Then last Friday, I went to a school for my job interview and the HR manager asked why I have no boyfriend yet. Waaah! I know, I do need love!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

New Beginning


I'm about to start a new chapter in my life. As I said, I'm not so confident with my decision because there's no assurance that every thing's going to be fine. Luckily, aside from God, I have family and friends who give me strength. While talking to them today, I felt so much better because they're all very positive about this change. They made me strong. These are some of the things that they told me. I want to remember them when I feel like giving up.


"Jesus Christ is always there with you."
"God will guide you; you will find a new job."
"Any change means you'll have a better and more meaningful experience - whatever it'll be."
"If you can't see yourself in a company longer, get out now."
"Comfort zone is sometimes a trap."
"Just pray hard."
"When a door closes, another opens."
"Don't worry, it's going to be alright. Believe me, I've been there."

Monday, April 19, 2010

A Request

Dear God,

Here I am again. Scared. Confused.

I've made a number of decisions lately which resulted to some not so good things. Though, I'm not sure yet if I really did make the wrong move; one thing's for sure - I was happy with it.

Almost two years ago, I promised myself and my family that I would look for a lifetime career. I told my dad that it would take some time. I also said that I would try and try to get the perfect job for me. But God, I also felt scared that time. You know that life's getting tougher these days; I was so afraid not to have a job. I also enjoyed my job because of my friends, some students, and the time it gave me to do all my homework in the graduate school. Thank you, Lord.

Now God, I'm ready to start something new again. But I'm still apprehensive because of the stories of my friend who's looking for a job now. She's having a hard time finding one. Please help me, God. But looking at it now, I know You have a plan for me. I TRUST YOU.

I'm going to apply for a job tomorrow. Please guide, bless, and guard me. I hope I'll be able to do my best and be true to myself. So, help me God. ☺


P.S.
Lord, we're having a small family problem again. Please help everyone forgive and most especially, the person who committed a mistake. I hope in Your guidance, he could change for the better. I'm begging You, Lord. Please.

Friday, March 26, 2010

My Life @ at a Korean Company

Johnny, Sunnie's brother

Jeff
My First Group Class
......................................................................................
I'm still here, working as an on line English teacher to Koreans. Life here is laid-back. The people are nice. The work is not as tough as the other jobs. I have plenty of free time to do my stuffs - study, do my reports for the graduate school, read news and books, chat with my friends, check my e-mail, listen to music, etc. Albeit the company and the administration's imperfections, some friends who already left said that it's not a bad company. It's better compared to the other Korean on line companies, according to them. Despite some students' slowness, naughtiness, brattiness, and conceitedness, I can say that they're tolerable.
*******
Below are: Daisy aka Amy, Dr. Leech's family, May and Ally
My stay here taught me the importance of a lot of things - of being disciplined, hardworking, punctual, and being updated with what's happening around me. One of the things I love is the reading part! It gave me a chance to broaden my vocabulary and my perspective towards different things. My interests even became more diverse. And how could I forget it? I wouldn't be able to start blogging if I didn't have these slacking moments. However, the friends I found here are the most precious for me. My closest friends at E-lamp are genuine. I know that they'll be my friends for life. That was long! What I'm just trying to say is that E-lamp has already become my third home. ( Miriam, of course, comes before it after my real home with my family who unconditionally loves me.)

Above are Daniel, Gary, and James
*****
Do I sound like I'm saying goodbye now? Yes, I am. I'm at the stage of my career wherein I'm certain that it's already time to go and explore another world. There might be a lot of times in the past when I had the same feeling; but in my heart, I know that those were just one those days. Unlike, this time, I'm sure that what I have now is something different. It's not one of those days. People say that we shouldn't make a decision when we're too sad or too happy. I feel neither of them now. I'm just steady and in the right state of mind today and I've never been so confident with that decision until today. After our family vacation, in God's grace, I'll finally be able to submit my resignation letter. Though, I still can't help to be scared because I'll have to adjust again. Oh well, life is but a gamble. If I want to grow, I have to take risks.
****
This is Gihee.
So, help me God.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

-There's a Fine Fine Line-

There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.
And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...
There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
-Avenue Q-

I.Am.Bored.


It's already Wednesday.
I don't know where the days go. Everything goes swiftly. That doesn't make my life thrilling and interesting though. I feel bored. It's like all I want to do is to relax, listen to music, read books, and spend more time with my family and my friends. I want to slow down. I feel sleepy at work. I only feel awake when it's time to go home. I know that it's normal to experience moments like this; but, it often happens to me which is not healthy anymore. God, I apologize. Yet, this is what I feel. I'm thankful for my job but at the same time, tired of my students. It's difficult to show that you're happy but you feel the opposite inside... When your ears seem to be bursting already... When all you want to do is to escape. I want some change. I want to have a new job... Do I make sense? I hope I'll get better soon...

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Blue

I sometimes don't understand my mom... Maybe, she's still in her era... She believes that when I answer back, I'm not a good daughter anymore. She thinks that a good child is someone who just stays at home - someone who does chores and never goes out. That's the negative thing when parents and children have a big age gap. *sob sob*
Perhaps, I should have gone to my friend's party.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Overturned

I still do not understand why a lot of things are so confusing. It's only a day before the V-day; so, a part of me is asking again why I can't be in a relationship. Ugh! I don't like this love sickness! Anyhow, while ladies are anticipating this day, a former coworker starts chatting with me. What's the big deal? I'm not sure; but, I'm not comfortable with his questions. He's asking where I am, what time I'm gonna go home, and who my Valentine date is. I've no intention to assume what his purpose of asking is; but, I really feel it's freaky. Meanwhile, the man that I already want to forget who's also on line doesn't even care to ask how I am. *sigh* Why is it like that? The person you like is not interested with you; but, the one you don't keeps on bugging you. I'm sorry for the word. Oh life! I wish he would be the one to bug me. I would be very pleased to entertain him. Ha-ha! But yes, I'm truly trying to forget him! And I've got to go back to work now. I'm wishing everyone a lovely Valentine's Day!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I'll Make It Up...

I did something not good today. Now, I'm scared of karma. I'm guilty. It's not that bad; but, it's still not good... Please forgive me, Lord! I'm sorry!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Move on...

Move on!
He doesn't like you!
Don't have the illusion that he's just waiting for something!
He's not interested with you!
If he is, he should have done it before!
It's time for you to live life without that delusion!
It's for your own good!
You can do it!
You've already done that once.
Then, you can do it again.
You can.
Use your brain.
Forget him.
Forget all about him.
Be happy with all the things that you have now.
Focus on the things that matter.
Focus.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Feeling Better



Thank God/ess! I just had to write what I felt... I just needed to share my worries with someone... Thanks to my cousin! God/ess will guide, bless, and protect us♥

Fear


A lot of people I know passed away last year and at the start of this year. That freaks me out. I told my friend about it and her reaction was too casual. She said that all of us will go there; so, why would I be afraid? In reality, it does not just scare me - it haunts me!Now, I'm figuring out where I'm coming from.

I grew up seeing my mom suffer from her heart disease and stomach cramps. I was always scared that they might attack anytime. It made me dread that thing that I still don't want to say. Every time my mom got sick, she would always tell me to be ready for it. I hate that feeling! I don't know if that's normal; but, it still comes to my mind from time to time especially now that I'm getting more mature. (Just like a few years ago.) I was used to witnessing my dad being the strongest in the family; so, when we found out that he has diabetes, it made me anxious even more. Now, we're always worried about his health. My sister and I are always concerned about our parents, their health and their safety. When my dad travels, I would pray really hard. When I go somewhere, I would always think of it as well. When I go apart from my loved ones even for a few hours, I would feel that. It's not good anymore, right? I'm thinking of consulting a counselor, a priest, or a psychiatrist. Oh God/ess! Please help me! I don't want to attract negative energies! Please! I need to help myself!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Langgam... Langgam...
Where do you come from?
Whenever there's food, you just appear out of nowhere,
In the kitchen, in my room,
Actually, you're everywhere.
With or without food, I can see you,
You're too tiny but it hurts when you bite me.
I can kill you; but, you leave me with itchy marks.
What's your secret?
Langgam... Langgam...
Please leave me alone!
Bow!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Summer

I'm used to the weather in my country. It's hot! And when I say hot, it's really hot! However, today's like the first day of summer - extremely hot that my head is aching. Hence, I remember my childhood days again. This was the time I enjoyed the most! I would just stay at home all day, listen to music, read books, talk to my family, and eat. When I'd stay in Batangas, we would just hang out and lie on a hammock under a mango tree all afternoon. I loved the nonstop chitchat and the snack in the province. We would have fresh fruits or any delicacies available. Yummy! Then, we would sometimes visit my cousin in Manila. Watching TV, eating ice cream or halo-halo, going to the mall, and eating out were our usual activities there. Fun fun fun! I'm officially welcoming you, Summer! Time to splash some water! Season to be ha-ha-happy!

A Visit


Yesterday, I went to his office to do some research. Good thing I didn't see him. I really didn't want to because I wouldn't know how to react if I'd do. To make sure that I wouldn't look pathetic walking alone, I asked my friend to accompany me. Nothing unusual happened. I was able to get what I needed. It just felt so good to see the place where he works. I imagined him striding into the corridor I passed. I pictured him talking to the same people I talked to, looking at the similar view I glanced. I even thought of him waiting for a cab on the same spot where we caught one. =D

Monday, February 1, 2010

Exhausted



How time flies!
It's already February...
There are so many things to be done...
I don't know where to start...
Please help me, God/ess...
I want a more simple life...
But, how?...


Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Are you alright?


You've not been on line these past few days,
You're not updating your status on facebook,
I hope you're just busy,
I wish you're okay.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

ReLive


In the past few months, you would notice on my blogs that I wasn't feeling well. As a matter of fact, I didn't have much entries. I wasn't feeling good and was getting tired of my work. I would always complain that to my friend. My life was as if didn't have any direction. Then this morning, while talking to my mom, I found meaning to what I'm doing again. Her former co-teacher asked her to buy some balloons for the students' prom this February. Suddenly, Mom reminded me of our plan to put up a preschool in our town. I almost forgot it! I was so preoccupied with the things that I didn't like. I told myself, "Yeah, there's a reason why you're doing what you're doing! That's the purpose why you went to graduate school!"

Mom and I agreed to have the school in a lot she bought several years ago. We'll hire her friends and former co-teachers. At the start, we'll have fifteen (15) students in the morning and another 15 in the afternoon. There will be nursery, kindergarten, and prep. In God's grace, we'll build it in 2011 or 2012. In my heart, I know that dream will come true. My mother and I certainly know want we want because we won't do it just to have profit. My former school's preschool there was already closed because of lack of budget.

Having that in mind, I definitely know what I want now. I'll strive to get that.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Wish For


I miss being a kid,
Going to school in the morning,
Coming home early,
Playing with my friends,
Sleeping at noon,
Eating snack when I wake up,
Doing my homework,
Riding a motorcycle with Tatay,
Going to the market with him,
Waiting for the food that Mom used to bring,
Sleeping beside both of my parents.
I miss our house.
I miss the province.
I miss everything about being a child.
But I'm a grown-up now.
I'm in fact already getting older.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

What an adventure!


I really think that any job with field work would be the most fun and the most exciting work I could have. I could go to a lot of places and meet different people...

Today, I left the house early to go to the dentist. I don't know what's special with this day that I became curious of the people I saw on the spur of the moment.

I noticed the boyish woman who owns a store on our street. She's always there everyday. I wonder if she doesn't get tired of staying there.

While waiting for the dentist, a middle-aged woman entered the clinic. I scrutinized how she dressed and wondered what her job is. It didn't take me long to figure it out. She cheerfully gave a letter to the receptionist not minding if the latter smiled back. I asked myself why she looked so happy even she was obviously tired (because she was perspiring) already. She was in a hurry though. Maybe, she had to go somewhere else yet. I wish I could be as thrilled with my job as she is.

After a while, the dentist, who has been my doctor for quite sometime now, came. Oh no! He had to fill two of my teeth. I should have taken care of them more. Anyway, because I was acting like a pryer this morning, I observed that he goes out after the consultation. He's always the one who receives the payment. I just noticed. Ha-ha!

On the bus, a young boy with a huge plastic bag got on. He was in good spirits. He would not be included here if he didn't give each of the passenger a piece of paper. It was a note saying that he's a student selling some sweet delicacies for his education. I was about to buy but I remember my teeth. Good thing the bus conductor did. When the boy got off, I thought if he was a real student trying to lift his life up or a bogus one deceiving people.

My pondering was supposed to end when I was getting off the bus but I saw a couple with a newborn. They still look young. I think I'm older than the lady and about the same age as the man. She was carrying the infant and he was holding some stuffs. It was drizzling when we got off; so, I brought my umbrella out right away. I checked if they had an umbrella. They didn't! What should I do? I couldn't bear seeing baby in drizzle like that! I shared the umbrella to the mother. She said thank you. Oh! Why are there people like that? If you're a parent, I believe you should be responsible enough already. Please God! I hope I will be one by the time I have a child.

Yes people! That was how I was meddling into other people's lives earlier. I couldn't help it! It's always an adventure when I'm on the street! I wonder what people think of when they see me... Or the question is... Do they notice me? He-he!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

♥think think♥


I wonder what you're doing now... Hmmmm... Why are you still on line? (Haha! Stalker!)