It's almost 2012! It's time to make resolutions again! Thank God for new year because we get to have another chance to change or improve whatever we want with ourselves. Well, actually, it can be done on a daily basis. It's just that new year has a whopping effect on people. It really is a big deal for us.
Being in hiatus for more than a week now helps me to think things over. However, to tell you the truth, I've only been thinking about this person. Let's just say that he's done something that made me fall for him even more. For the past few days, I was just either reminiscing our moments together or waiting for his text message. I told you, right? I could be that hooked! Why am I saying this? That's obviously on the top of my list in my New Year's Resolutions. Yes! Believe me! I will try my best to finally not think about him anymore. It's not going to be easy. It is surely a process. Well, I'm proud to say that I've already done the first step! I already deleted our pictures in my desktop. Now, the next question is: Why am I wanting to forget this feeling already? What happened yesterday is the answer. He made me feel that I'm not important in his life. And I was deeply hurt that I burst into tears again. Whew! I know I'll get by. I'll help myself.
As I mentioned, for the past few days, I was just waiting for his text and holding my phone most of the time. Because of that, I was tempted to text a lot of people. In the end, I was just hurt for the reason that most of them didn't reply. What's my second resolution then? From now on, I will keep myself busy with other things - work, hobby, anything. I will no longer beg people to give me their attention. I will only keep those who want me to stay in their lives. I sound bitter, don't I? Yes, I do, but I'm just stating a fact. That's one thing I must have learned before, because I'm a natural social butterfly. I need to realize the importance of people who are closest to me.
Speaking of those people, that boils down to my third resolution. It dawned on me also that I overlooked my family ever since I became a teacher. I was too engrossed with school work that I didn't get to spend time with them anymore. The worse was what usually happened. They became my shock absorbers, my poor retired parents. And I am sincerely sorry for that. From now on, I will be more conscious and careful on how I'll treat the two people who love me the most, the two people who sacrifice their lives for me, the two people who are now offering their remaining years on earth for me. Mommy and Tatay, I promise that I will be a better daughter. So help me God.
I had quite a lot of learning yesterday. Without me knowing it, a friend claimed that he was emotionally pressured by me. What happened was I was just trying to convince him to go with us and meet another friend. I didn't stop texting him until he finally said yes. Though while doing that, my conscience was clear that I didn't really intend to pressure him. I only thought that it was a perfect time for us to bond because all of us are on vacation. I already apologized and I hope that he'd accept it. From this experience, I've learned that people are really different and that I have to understand that. Not all people would see friends and bondings the way I see them; that's one thing I have to respect. From now on, when a friend says that she/ he can't see me, I'll accept it.
While I was with my friend yesterday, my lower back started to be painful again. I already complained it to a doctor before, and she said that it's because of my weight. I'm already too heavy that my lower back is already having a hard time carrying the upper part of my body. Now, that brings me to one of my most essential new year's resolutions. I indeed have to take good care of my body. My sister is right; there are no excuses! I have to do it NOW that it's not yet too late. I really really have to eat right, exercise, sleep early, and treat my body the way it should be treated.
Another thing that I should also improve is how I manage my time. It has been my problem for years already. I've always been a crammer! Again, it's a process and in time, I'll be able to overcome this bad habit.
Well, I still have a lot of things in my list. What I've mentioned here are just the most essential changes that I have to do as soon as possible. I'm going to write another one for my less urgent needs.
I would just like to end this by reminding myself of what Paulo Coelho said: "Redefine yourself. Leave in 2011 all pain and frustration. Face 2012 with your HEART FULL of STRENGTH..." With that, I can say that I'm now ready to face the new year! 2012, here I come! It's time to laugh long and loud! A better and improved version of me is going surprise the universe! Am I right, Jesus? YES!
